43) Hawaii - 29th November

Two weeks ago I had written off Leigh-Ann's "List for Life" as being too ambitious.

Swimming with dolphins, cuddling a chimpanzee, going to Cuba...

Two weeks ago Leigh-Ann needed to be dressed, two of us had to help her climb the stairs and she could not walk across the room. Most of the day was spent laying on the sofa in a semi comatose state.

Today Leigh-Ann came with me to our regular Friday appointment with her nurse practitioner in Agassiz and asked her whether she thought that we could go to Hawaii our belated honeymoon.

Incredibly Marie, said "Why not?" I was gobsmacked. Why didn't she say "No, don't be ridiculous!". 

I thought that she would at least advise us against it. But Marie is not the usual "nurse". She also understands how important it is for Leigh-Ann to carry on "living" and not simply "existing".

Being an eternal pessimist, I was worried about how I would cope with a terminally ill wife flying for 6 hours plus transfers to a hotel in Hawaii from little Harrison. Just travelling to the airport in Vancouver takes 2 1/2 hours. 

I think I will drug her without her knowing, (unless she reads this blog), so she sleeps all the way there.

What would we do if she suddenly became really ill. We would have no health insurance. It could be disastrous.

At least we will get assistance at the airport and have a helper push her in a wheelchair and get on the plane first! We might even get a ride on a "golf" buggy...

Leigh-Ann is by no means back to her former self but she is a lot better. We know that the cancer is still spreading. We know that she does not have a long time to live. She still has very little energy, eats tiny amounts and needs a wheelchair but mentally she is 100% and she wants to have a honeymoon and so do I. One night in the Harrison Hot Springs Hotel just wasn't enough. She deserves more.

Leigh-Ann wants to feel the warmth on her body and the sand in her toes. She wants to sit under a palm tree and watch the surf rolling in. She wants a tan before she "checks out", (Leigh-Ann's words not mine.)

So we are planning to trade in the cold and the damp of British Columbia for the warm breeze and sunshine of Hawaii for what may be Leigh-Ann's last holiday. Aloha!

I say maybe because we have also talked about returning to Nerja and get back the life that we so much enjoyed before the Big "C" took it away.

42) Family Values and Xmas - 28th November

Two years ago I spent Xmas here in Harrison with Leigh-Ann.

We stayed with her sister Earla and Earla's husband, Michael. Oliver, my son joined us from his home in Perth, Australia.

That Xmas in 2011 was a life chaining one for both of us. The reason is simple: Xmas was simple!

Xmas lights in harrison

As his father I had brought up both of my children (Oliver and Felicity) believing in Father Christmas and that they would probably get whatever they asked him for which normally meant spending a huge amount of money every year believing that this would make them both happy for the whole year until either a birthday or Xmas came around again.

How wrong was I? That plan never worked.

Xmas in Harrison, on the other hand, was a completely different affair. Small, well thought out gifts, hand-made Xmas cards, home cooking, lots of family! 

The simplicity and honesty of a Harrison Xmas meant a lot to both of us and I could see the effect that it had on Oliver. I understood how he felt because it affected me in the same way. It had a profound effect on both of us.

It looks like I will be enjoying another Harrison Xmas this year. Unplanned but not unwelcome!

Sharing it with Leigh-Ann and her family could only be surpassed by having Oliver and Felicity here as well.

41) Women!? - 27th November

You have been given a few weeks or, at best, a few months to live. 

You don't have the energy to walk to the end of the street. 
You cannot drive. 
You have no appetite and are losing weight fast. 
You have to take pills every 4 hours. 

Your "Bucket List" is now too ambitious. Swimming with dolphins, holidaying in Cuba, sky-diving, driving a Formula 1 car, meeting Richard Gere and having another baby. 

None of this is now possible.

Flick and Lucy joined us for lunch

So, what do you do?

Go clothes shopping and get your hair styled and coloured? Buy new shoes that you might wear once? Get a pedicure and a manicure? Have a body exfoliation? (that's next week). 

Why would you do any of this? 

Is there a fashion and beauty angel up there that decides who gets into heaven? Is Leigh-Ann worried that she might be sent back to earth?

Since we arrived in Canada Leigh-Ann has done all these things. As a man I cannot understand the logic. Is there any logic. Probably not. Men would certainly be more practical.

As time has passed I have noticed little things that are so feminine, so Leigh-Ann. 

I love her for her femininity.

Earla and Flick
deciding who will pay

Lucy gets a cuddle

40) Isn't it Ironic - 26th November

It is ironic that someone with terminal cancer and a prognosis of weeks to live should actually appear to get better!

Leigh-Ann is not defying the doctors and she is not going to get better but she has more energy, is more lucid and has better cognitive skills than she had a week ago.

She woke up this morning saying that she almost feels "normal" again.

Three generations checking out the Blog

A week ago we started to book Home Support to help us look after leigh-Ann and give us all a break. Today I cancelled Home Support "until further notice". It's not needed right now.

A week ago Leigh-Ann struggled to climb the stairs, was unsteady on her feet, needed many hours of sleep during the day and was sleeping for 12 hours each night. She barely ate anything, was disorientated and confused.

Yesterday, we spent the afternoon shopping in Chilliwack at the Mall and then went grocery shopping. Once we had dropped off all the food at the house we all went out to the pub for a drink and a meal. Okay, Leigh-Ann did not eat much and only drank OJ but she had been out for hours...

This is the 40th page in her blog and I would have predicted telling a much more negative review of events.

You are not supposed to look down there!

Why the change? Who really knows. It could be the change in drugs, the mass that was held in Nerja, or all the people around the world that are reading the blog and praying for her. 

The blog has now had over 13,000 visits!

There are people reading it in Canada, Spain, the UK, Germany, Norway, South Africa, Ireland, Guatemala, Belize, the USA and the Netherlands. 

39) Honeymooners - 25th November

Newlyweds normally have a honeymoon but in our case that just wasn't possible.

Leigh-Ann's engagement ring.
Designed by myself and made in Nerja

Flying somewhere hot, drinking cocktails and going out for dinners. That's the way it should be.
In our situation we are grateful for a trip to the shops, a cup of coffee near the lake or a short walk.

I was delighted today because Leigh-Ann wanted to buy me a wedding band and have her engagement ring re-sized and felt good enough to out. So, we drove to Chilliwack, collected Grandma and went shopping.

I am starting to get used to lifting the wheelchair in and out of the car. It's not easy. It's heavy and cumbersome. 

Wheeling Leigh-Ann through the mall was fun. People do take notice of a wheelchair coming at them. Especially at speed. Keep your head down and go. People get out of your way. It's fun.

Leigh-Ann in Valencia, April

Sadly, we couldn't get a ring. All the rings I chose were all on a 6 week order and, of course, I want Leigh-Ann to see me wearing it and we just do not know if she will still be here in 6 weeks! Leigh-Ann left her ring for re-sizing.

The good news is that we bought a really nice box of chocolates and had lunch at Timmy Horton's with Grandma. Not a bad result.

It was a good day and the first full day out with Leigh-Ann for a long time. And she is still going...

I think we will go out for an early dinner!

38) Disabled Parking - 24th November

Leigh-Ann seems to have had a renaissance since the mass. She is more independent, more mobile, more energetic.

The house still ebbs and flows with visitors and family after yesterday's welcome day of solitude.

I now have a refuge in Charmaine's old bedroom where I can work, read and rest in peace without risk of being disturbed. Heaven...

Freezing by the lake

Another bright, sunny, autumn day and Leigh-Ann wanted to get outside for some fresh air and a change of scenery. I put the foot plates on the wheelchair, carried it down the front steps and we were off on a mission to the lake.

Disabled Parking is one Benefit

It was bitterly cold day with a strong breeze coming off the lake but we made it first to the garage to use the cash machine and then to the lakeside where we sat for a few minutes. It was quite an outing.

Afterwards her old friend, Joan, came over for a visit. She is "First Nations" and she brought a drum with her to sing traditional Aboriginal songs for Leigh-Ann and talk about "old times".

Leigh-Ann and Joan

Quotes of the day: "Life is so exciting!" and "I am so lucky", Leigh-Ann Wood, 24th Nov. 

How many of us can say those words with such meaning?

37) Equipment - 23rd November

Having a good support system is essential when looking after critically ill people at home. I had never thought about this before 7 weeks ago.

How anyone without a close family or friends would manage without this I cannot imagine.

Sarah's Graduation - June 2013

I am now a care giver and it is one of the most rewarding things that I have ever done. It is a pleasure and a privilege to help someone who is terminally ill to be as comfortable as possible during the last stage of their life and there is nowhere else that I would rather be or prefer doing right now.

Here in Canada the support system is just fantastic. We have a Nurse Practitioner, a Doctor, a Pain Specialist, Home Care Nurses, Home Support Workers and an Occupational Therapist. All on call.

I have a weekly visit with the Nurse Practitioner, Marie Wetherby, who was our initial contact and absolutely key to the treatment and care that we are now receiving. She advises us on all sorts of matters including how to look after ourselves. Marie is invaluable for our support.

The Doctor, Lori Laughland, is Leigh-An's long term family doctor and as "Hospital Rights" which means that she can give orders to nurses in hospitals and in a Hospice if or when the time comes. She has Leigh-Ann's full medical history and, of course, knows her well.

Dr Bull looks after Leigh-Ann's pain medication. He is brilliant.

The Home Care Nurses, Danni and Jeanette are all on call all week and they will come to the house any time we need them. 

The Home Support team are available for up to 4 hours every day. They will prepare food, do laundry, bathe patients, wash hair and administer drugs.

Engagement party with Lucia, Dave & Yvon, 2012

The Occupational Therapist helps with health and safety in the home, advising on how best to physically move Leigh-Ann around and advises on equipment and how to use it.

All the equipment that we need is provided free of charge! We now have enough equipment to fill a warehouse.

A wheelchair, a walker, a bed pan, a commode, a bath transfer seat, a bath grab handle and a transfer belt. It's all new, high quality equipment and whilst we do not need it all now we have it just in case.

36) A Mass for Leigh-Ann - 22nd November

At 8:00 pm in Spain, 11:00 am in Canada, 12:00 midday in the UK and midday (the next day) in Perth Australia, a Mass was held for Leigh-Ann at the Church of the Saviour (Iglesia El Salvador) in the centre of Nerja, Spain.

Friends and Sombra (Leigh-Ann's dog)

It was organised by our landlord and friend, Pablo Casanova Acosta and his beautiful partner, Carolina.

Hearing that the event was taking place was a complete shock and surprise.

When we received the photograph of all of our friends that gave up their time to be together and pray for Leigh-Ann we were amazed by the number that attended. It was a truly selfless and compassionate act from everyone.

We both want to thank everyone for being there. 

I have special thanks also because I know first hand what a difference it has made to Leigh-Ann since it took place. She will not recover from her illness, of course, but since 11:00 am yesterday she has been brighter and happier than she has been for many days.

Pablo and Carolina, thank you so much for arranging that amazing event. It was humbling. 

Pablo and Carolina

35) Anorexia - 21st November

I used to sleep so soundly but now I worry. I worry about Leigh-Ann. I touch her in the night to make sure that she is still warm and then I will give her a little poke to see if she moves.

She is so thin now that anyone seeing her would think she is anorexic. She has lost about 10kg in 6 weeks! She is skin and bone.

Summer 2013

Leigh-Ann has an appetite but finds eating difficult. Her throat is sore from vomiting and her mouth is bone dry from the drugs. She has no pain but there is a price to pay for that.

The drugs also mess with her taste buds. The tastes and textures that she wants to eat change daily. One day she wants tomatoes and the next day it's peanut butter!

When she eats it is a very small quantity indeed. She probably takes in less than 2-300 calories each day and she finds that had work. 

Her pain medication was changed last night to a synthetic morphine and this morning Leigh-Ann wants to eat spare ribs! Fat, juicy, tasty spare ribs.

When she declared that she wants to put on weight and start exercising I was delighted. Her exercise goal is to walk around the dining table. That's it.

Leigh-Ann has lost so much weight and muscle that she needs assistance when walking as she has fallen a few times. We also now put her in a wheelchair to get around the house as it is quicker and safer.

She has great difficulty climbing the stairs. This simple task can take several minutes and she will often sit down for breath and energy before we reach the top. With this new drug maybe Leigh-Ann can put a bit of weight back on whilst the rest of us try to lose some!

Sometimes I forget that she is ill. I have got used to the daily routine. Things are simply what they are and we do what we have to do. Cancer is our life now.

Today is a new day with new challenges for the whole family. 

34) Guest Blogs - Felicity - Earla - 19th November

Felicity's Guest Blog

We are here for a reason. What does it take for us to realise that? The quicker we understand that, the less likely we will pass with regrets.

This could be at the expense of somebody else; to see such a wonderful lady, dying peacefully and gracefully has been a valuable experience. Let's not waste time unnecessarily. 

Let's embrace each and every day as if it were our last. To be thankful for the tiny gifts that God gives us.

God gives life, lessons and love. These may be hard to see or even understand especially when we have daily issues that cloud our minds.

Let's not be ruled by money and rules. Let's not be unhappy or ungrateful as there are many human beings who would swap places for a sip of water in exchange for poverty and disease.

Let's achieve what we want to achieve and let's laugh like we want to laugh. Let our angels guide us to listen to our instincts and to not live in fear.

The Kreager-Wood family are now joined globally.

Earla's Guest Blog

How beautiful it is to do nothing and then rest after. - Spanish Proverb

I found that Spanish proverb many years ago while creating art cards and it has since become a favorite of mine because it rings true. On the card, I accompanied a garden scene of a ladybug sitting on a daisy with the quote as it expressed life so wonderfully simple - to just sit and be in nature can be beautiful.

Mount Cheam in the Spring

Yesterday, I had the best day yet with my beautiful sister and during our 'doing nothing then resting afterwards' Leigh-Ann and I laughed and agreed how true that quote was. We lazed all morning on their bed; we talked off and on, read emails and blog comments from friends, sent off wedding photos. Leigh-Ann talked about how she woke up so chipper, told me it's the best she's felt since arriving in Harrison then two hours later, the medication kicks in and she feels all drugged up while drifting in and out of conversation. 

Leigh-Ann talked of being concerned 'there were others waiting to take her elsewhere'. I agreed with her that she's not ready to go yet she appeared to hold onto the bedside table to ground herself. Her pain is being managed, she's enjoying her family close and connecting with friends; she is definitely not ready to be led elsewhere just yet.

Mount Cheam sunset

She asked 'Can you hold my hand?', I'd loved to, so warm. She explained the hard time she has when focusing or sleeping because of the heavy medication. I asked her to imagine in her mind's eye a nice spot in nature, somewhere we had been before. We agreed being on Mount Cheam is a great place to picture ourselves when our thoughts started to drift. I described to her what I visualize in all my meditations - being in a mountain meadow with long grass and blue sky. Leigh-Ann laughed while remembering the little mountain stream we sat beside so many years ago to dip our feet in. Still a bit restless, I got out my IPod from my basket nearby, and we each listened to the same meditational music, an earplug for each of us sisters. After a bit, Leigh-Ann smelt Mom's stew cooking and motivated to get some sun, we drove to find some eagles to see.

Today has been another laze-in day, all day today. Leigh-Ann started morning with tea in bed, enjoying her mail - wedding cards from Spain. She rested first on the front porch basking in the sunshine and is now on the couch. The handmade quilt gently rises and slowly falls; the house is mercifully quiet - young folk out for a drive, brother and husband both type/work, clothes dryer has finished spinning. I hope we can again sit family style for Mom's stew supper while my sister enjoys one of her favorite dishes. Maybe we'll have guitar music like last night for dessert. We'll see.

Mount Cheam - Morning sun

Meanwhile, I'd like to remind our Canadian family and friends that the Mass at Iglesia El Salvador Church in Nerja, Spain on Thursday 21st November will be at 1pm BC time. I hope that all her friends and our family can 'tune in', go into nature to 'be', or just rest. Think of Leigh-Ann and her beautiful smile.

33) Angels and Guides - 19th November

Leigh-Ann was really scared last night. At 3:00am she sat upright and told me that a "couple" had come to take her to the "other side".

Leigh-Ann and brother Alan. Sunday morning

She was afraid to go back to sleep. She asked for Earla to come and talk to her. I told her that I would look after her and that I would not let them come again. 

She held my hand all night.

Earlier in the day, as she sat on the sofa in the lounge, she told me that there was a child sitting next to the TV. She had kept looking over towards the television. I couldn't see anyone but she was convinced.

She also told me that someone kept touching her right shoulder.

Are these hallucinations created by the drugs? Do the drugs simply make it possible to see things that we do not normally see? Or did she just see them for real?

I have no idea what the explanation is but I do know that for Leigh-Ann they were real experiences and it frightened her a lot.

32) The Wedding - 17th November Sunday

There will be a Mass at Iglesia El Salvador Church in Nerja on Thursday 21st November at 8:00pm. I hope that all her friends can attend.

May I introduce Mrs Wood?

Next to the birth of my two children, yesterday was the happiest day of my life. The day started off badly. Leigh-Ann had been on a saline drip since the previous afternoon. With the wedding imminent we agreed that it was important to rehydrate her fully and perk her up. Saline should do the trick. 

Still single, just...

The next morning she was still drifting in and out of sleep. It didn't seem to be working.

I now totally believe in the power of the mind over the body as at 4:15 she wanted to get dressed ready for her wedding! She was excited like a little girl and eager to enjoy her special day.

Earla and Sarah gave her a hot bath and washed her hair and then Felicity did her eyes. Then we helped her get dressed. She looked beautiful. More beautiful than I have ever seen her.

Felicity, Me, Leigh-Ann and Sarah

At exactly 4:45 the "Family" arrived from their local hotels.

Joey, Bruce, Carole, Mackenzie, Maliya, Alan, Lynda, Morgan, Chase, Andre, Sarah, Charmaine, Chad, Fraser (the cute baby), Earla, Michael and Sarah.

Earla's friend, Rosemary was going to perform the ceremony and Roxanne was to officiate.

The ceremony was short but perfect. It is quite scary just how quickly a couple can be married. 

Rosemary performing the ceremony

Sarah read some words of her own and made everyone cry, Rosemary read our vows and once we had become "man and wife" Felicity read a poem that she had written. A quick glass of wine and the newly enlarged family was in transit to the reception.

As Leigh-Ann stood up to get into her wheelchair and go she said, "I don't want to go now. I want to fight". She said it in a strong, defiant voice. At first I thought she didn't want to go to the reception but she was actually saying "I want to live" for the first time since her diagnosis. It was an amazing moment but also sad as it is too late to fight her cancer.

Andre, Earla, Sarah, Chad, Fraser, Charmaine,
Michael, Me and Leigh-Ann

The reception was spectacular. The wine, the food, the cake, the conversation. Everything was just fantastic. Our hosts, Richard and Jenny of Muddy Waters, put heart and soul into serving the best ever food and wine. A BIG thank you to them. Thanks also to Carole for providing the most fattening cake in the history of cake making and to Lynda for the best ever disposable napkins (where did you buy them?).

Sarah, Leigh-Ann and Carole

The perfect afternoon ended with the perfect evening. Our honeymoon night was spent at the Harrison Hot Springs Hotel. We had a lovely room overlooking the lake.

My new wife was very tired and fell asleep as soon as she lay down. Throughout the night she dreamt and said the funniest things. "Is there a coffee grinder in the hall?", "why are you wearing sunglasses?" and so on.

After a broken night I awoke to find Leigh-Ann sitting up in bed eating a strawberry coated in milk chocolate. "Delicious". She ate the sat one!

Once the sun had risen (you couldn't see it) I sat her on a comfy chair looking out over the lake. "it's so beautiful" she said. It reminded me of the film "On Golden Pond". Leigh-Ann was at peace, happy and quiet gazing out over the misty water.

Richard taking orders at Muddy Waters

These days such small things mean so much. A smile, a glance, a movement, a touch, holding hands. A kiss. Walking across a room, having a pee, eating a tiny piece of bread. Exchanging a few words. Going out in the fresh air.

So many previously important things become insignificant compared to holding onto life.

Thank you, Leigh-Ann, for becoming my wife.

31) Home Caring - 16th November

I now appreciate the demands of caring for someone who is very ill in the home. Trying to do this alone or when much older myself would be difficult or impossible.

Seeing the person you love fading is hard and sometimes you need others to stay focused on the care needs when emotions fog your mind.

Leigh-Ann's care needs are growing almost daily and the team we have created in the house here makes it much easier especially when the unexpected occurs. We have all found our roles.

Felicity and Dad

Yesterday I went to our usual appointment with Marie, her nurse practitioner, and having discussed how Leigh-Ann is doing Marie was concerned that she might have an obstruction in her bowel which could cause problems so she referred her for an x-ray and blood test.

The same day my daughter, Felicity, and Earla's son Andre were arriving by plane at two different airports at different times. We also had to collect a wheelchair before midday.

The household care team worked out the logistics and everything was accomplished.

Leigh-Ann is now becoming less lucid. Her cognitive skills are diminishing. She gets confused and finds it hard to take in information or answer questions responsively. She has tremors whilst asleep and is much weaker. All this has happened in the last few days and probably as a result of the pain medication.

The Dress!

She collapsed three times at the entrance to the X-Ray office. That was scary, very scary. I was on my own with her and she fell like a "dead weight". My reaction was to pick her up immediately and she fell again and again. I should have left her on the floor and got help but I just wanted her to stand, to be well.

Sarah managed to borrow a wheelchair and we used it to get her from the X-Ray department to the blood test and then back home. 

She is now very unsteady on her feet and so the wheelchair will be essential in the future.

Everything is organised for the wedding tomorrow. We are picking up the flowers this afternoon. All the family arrives in Harrison tomorrow morning.

The officials have been booked and the reception fixed at a local venue.

She looks beautiful in her wedding dress...

30) The Counsellor - 14th November

I knew a few days ago that I needed to "talk" to someone. Leigh-Ann, her sister, Earla and daughter, Sarah have been seeing a lady called Darlene for many years for spiritual healing. She is a "channeller". I am not entirely sure what that means but she is able to communicate with "Guides" from the "other side".

Like probably many men I am a cynic when it comes to this sort of thing but I am also open to being proven wrong. Regardless, in the situation I find myself in, I needed to talk to someone whatever their beliefs so I went to meet Darlene with Earla today.

Happy Days in Valencia 2013

She told me that I have three "Guides" and they were looking after me. She told me that I am very "guarded" and protective of my feelings and wants me to open up just a little. She is right, of course.

It wasn't as weird as I thought it would be and I found it really beneficial. She is a very wise person. How she got to have all this wisdom is a mystery to me but she made a lot of sense and helped me understand and accept what was happening and made me realise that the thoughts that I was having were normal.

Marrying a person that you know will soon die is strange but I love Leigh-Ann very much and this is a fitting end to what has been a wonderful, life changing relationship.

She has changed me for the better, she has made me happy and shown me what true love is all about. I have never met anyone as kind, as generous, as forgiving, as understanding and as loving as Leigh-Ann. She s truly a remarkable person with a truly remarkable family around her.

Being Leigh-Ann's husband for even a few weeks or months is a privilege and not my right. I feel very, very lucky to have the chance to be her husband for whatever time we have left together.

29) Palliative Care - 13th November

Today was a very long day but it's not been all doom and gloom...

It started with an 8:30 am appointment with Leigh-Ann's family Doctor in Chilliwack, Lori Laughland.

She has known Leigh-Ann for 20 years.

We needed to visit her because she has "hospital and hospice rights" whereas her Nurse, Mari, does not. This means that if Leigh-Ann is admitted into either one Lori can visit and give orders!

Lori also needed us to complete a "MOST" which is a declaration stating what type of medical intervention she wants when the time requires it. As her "Medical Power of Attorney" I also have the right to request that some or no intervention takes place when the time comes.

This would be a scary thing for me to choose but Leigh-Ann has made it easy for me by being certain that she does not want any "heroics" when the time comes and wants to die naturally. I have to follow her wishes.

Cascade Hospice, Chilliwack

Leigh-Ann has also decided against any alternative therapies including chemotherapy. She knows that none of this will save her life.

Afterwards, Earla, Sarah and myself visited the Cascade Hospice in Chilliwack where she might spend her last days. It is a wonderful place and the nurse that showed us around was just delightful and reassuring. Their philosophy is totally focused on keeping the individual comfortable and pain free.

The hospice is only an option if it is really needed as Leigh-Ann really wants to die at home.

Just after lunch we had a visit from a Care Nurse, Jeannette. Earla has known Jeannette since she was a child so that was a good start. Jeannette and her colleague, Danni, are on call whenever we need them for advice, equipment or a home visit.

Finally, Dr Bull visited the house. He is a pain specialist and was able to advise and prescribe some better medications for Leigh-Ann which we acquired this evening. One concern we had was trying to make her feel as good as possible for her wedding. Dr Bull suggested that we call him on the morning of the wedding and then he would make arrangements with the ER at Chilliwack hospital to take her in without queuing and give her some saline and morphine to make her feel as good as she can be on the day!

The care and attention that she is getting is just amazing. 

Leigh-Ann remains mentally strong but now finds the stairs a challenge and needs to steady herself when walking across the room. She has a dry mouth, always feels thirsty and finds eating anything difficult. Concentrating is sometimes difficult but she retains a great sense of humour. Oh, and she is starting to be really bossy!

This is Harrison at Tim Horton's

I almost forget to say that Leigh-Ann now has beautiful dress for her wedding (we just need to buy her some shoes now). Photos to follow.

Whilst I write this she is sitting on the sofa reading and sitting next to her daughter. 

I think we are going to watch an episode of Downton Abbey tonight.

So it's been a busy day but a good day.

We all just love her to bits.

28) A Good Day - Earla's Guest Blog - 11th November

a good day....

I still have on my rose-coloured glasses for I see a beautiful vibrant, fun loving woman on the couch next to me. We smile, nod, we know we have a good life as sisters together. So it is with tears of sadness and joy that I write from my heart with the acknowledgement that my sister Leigh-Ann will die of cancer. There is no denying it now, it is to be. Knowing this, after a Sunday of intermittent tears and family laughter, Leigh-Ann said it herself ‘This was a good day.’

Steve’s documenting his journey with Leigh-Ann throughout is an act of courage I’ve appreciated; shared observations are hard to repeat to the people that care.

My sister is a private rather shy person so for her to have a blog ‘out there’ is incredibly open of her. My observation is through this process, Leigh-Ann has shared her generous open nature that allows us the time to process how we are each experiencing her life now.  

Leigh-Ann is open to this experience - yes, dying is a terrible way to spend the end of a good life yet there is nothing we can do. The timing and ‘how’ are out of our hands. At three years old, my wish came true for a sister and I was given one.  It took a few younger years to get the petty bickering out of our systems. For many years, I have been thankful for what I asked for. I can say whole heartedly, we are dear friends. I am ‘working’ to not miss my friend just yet.

Yesterday, André said it best, there is no white elephant in the room. We are talking about the process of life now. Since the morning Leigh-Ann told me she is coming home, I have been using my journal, going inward and reaching out, coming to my way of making sense out of all ‘this.’ I now know you can’t. It is what it is. Period. Leigh-Ann has this disease, we are not rolling over and dying. As the ones that love her the most, we accept and we live. We learn. Learn that it is a good life to just ‘be’ with one another and enjoy. Yes, in this modern family along with polished friends, we do blog, text ‘I Luv U’, post photos captured on cell phones and Apple’s photo booth ‘movies’. As family, we savour the natural moments too. 

We love each other deeply. No drama. Just love.

Last night, Steve asked me to blog about our family day together. I have had a hard time reading the blog; somedays it takes me a while to read as we are living it here in my home. In my own way, while the house is quiet each morning, I ‘catch and release’ through my way, my funny little cathartically books to get what I feel out of my body. I have learned the ‘good value’ of writing things out of your body - taking what you feel inside and putting it down on paper or a blog is a release. 

So today, during a quiet morning in our house in Canada, there are murmurings. Leigh-Ann connects with Mom and her daughter Sarah on the couch, Michel back from his morning walk makes us coffee, Steve sleeping, I blog. As my sister is my most trusted editor, l will read this draft to Leigh-Ann because we are open and real with one another. 

It is a good day. 

xox, Earla

27) The (El) Prognosis - 9th November

I am going to try and write this entry first in Spanish and then in English.

Spanish
Lo siento mis amigos en Espana. Intentere explicar un poquito en español también.

Tengo muy malas noticias.

Leigh-Ann tiene cancer en la pancreas, los pulmones, el higado, abdomen, el estomego, colon y nodos de la linfa. Es muy aggressiva y rapido.

On holiday in Victoria, Canada
por vacaciones en Canada

Leigh-Ann tiene pocos meses a vivir, quizá pocas semanas o meses. No sabemos exactamente. Los medicos no puede hacer nada a parte dar medicaciones para dolor.

Ella esta muy cansado por el día. No quiere hacer nada. Quiere dormir o sentar y nada mas.

Hace un mes estamos jugando padel en Neja con nuestros amigos! Con sol y cielo azul.

Pero Leigh-Ann esta feliz y aceptar la situación. Esta preocupado para su familia y sus perros. 

Leigh-Ann con su buena
amiga Mari Nieve

Leigh-Ann quiere decir "adios" a todos sus amigos en Nerja: los Espanolas, los Ingleses, a La Raqueta, Tropysol, Dolce Gusto, Chino City... pero no puede porque no poder viajar. Siempre tiene mucho dolor.

No puede regresar a Nerja.

Hay buenas noticias también. Nos vamos a casar inmediatamente cuando Leigh-Ann puede. Quiero ser su marido. 

La vida es para viviendo. Hazlo hoy, no espera por mañana.

English
It is the worst possible news.

The cancer has spread in Leigh-Ann's body. She has cancer in the pancreas, liver, abdomen, stomach, lungs and lymph-nodes.

Skiing in January
Esquiar en Sierra Nevada

Leigh-Ann tiene cancer en muchas sitios en su cuerpo ahora. Ella esta muy enferma y es terminal.

When we left Spain one month ago she had cancer in the pancreas and the liver.

Mountain biking in August...

It is an aggressive, unrelenting cancer. Pancreatic cancer is extremely hard to diagnose early and, even then, the chances of survival are low. Stage three and four cancers, are usually non operable.

Leigh-Ann was suffering from Stage 4 pancreatic cancer in Spain. The oncologist believes that it properly all began in June when we were last in Canada.

It is not operable and there is no cure. Now we are looking for pain management and are now waiting for an appointment with a pain management specialist next week.

Radiology is not an option because there is a necrosis below the pancreas sitting behind the small intestine. Radiology burns tissue and the burning would damage the small intestine and cause even greater problems.

*Necrosis is when the cancer cells grow too quickly and run out of blood, die and fall away. These dead cells have formed a mass below the pancreas and are causing a blockage preventing Leigh-Ann from digesting food properly.

Chemotherapy is an option but only to prolong life for an average of 3-4 weeks and the side effects may not be offset by the benefits. Having chemo is a choice for Leigh-Ann to make.

It is so terribly hard to reconcile all of this complex information but her life expectancy is about 4-5 months. This is an average projection so it could be longer, or shorter.

As always, Leigh-Ann is dignified, does not complain and is accepting of the situation. She wants to cry but is in too much pain to do so!

She is more concerned for her family and friends and myself than her own destiny. That is typical Leigh-Ann. I have total respect and admiration for her and love her very much.

Leigh-Ann has told me that what time left has to be fun. She wants to do as much as she can when she can, laugh, joke, be with family and is looking forward to getting married. "This does not have to be all doom and gloom".

The next few weeks will be very hard for everyone as she becomes weaker and loses her grip on life. A life that was full of love and laughter and fun.

If we learn anything from this for me it is not to wait to do things. Do them now as tomorrow may never come. Leigh-Ann lived her dream of living in Spain and learning Spanish. Too many people dream and never live!

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