Leigh-Ann’s First Blog
Dear Family and Friends,
I thought you might like to hear my perspective on this experience as I see it.
It has been eight weeks since Steve and I arrived in Canada. I had a sore spot on my lower back that would not go away, but otherwise I was feeling fine. Since then, I feel I have been through a roller coster of emotions and changes in my body. I will describe my story as best that I can. All of a sudden we had to leave our happy, simple life. I was all of a sudden sad, angry, scared, frustrated, and above all missing our dogs, friends and sunny Nerja. I kept how I was feeling to myself, no likes a whiner.
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| Fast lane to Chilliwack by ambulance |
My family, Steve and I had so much fun for the first few weeks after arriving in Harrison Hot Springs at my sister and brother-in-law's, where we have been staying. Even though there were loads of appointments with doctors, the scan and blood work to do, I could still, get out and about with Steve, Earla and Sarah. Physically I looked healthy as a horse. Me, have pancreatic cancer nah, I don't think so folks. But I knew.
Once everything was re-confirmed from what my Spanish doctors said we could get on with waiting for the results of the scan. The scan then showed the cancer had spread, not a lot but some. This is the reason there is no possibility of surgery. I don't know where one gets to the point of saying 'that is okay'. It just seemed to happen for me overnight. I chose not to take chemo treatments and all the sickness that is involved with it, as we learned it would only extend my life by approximately 3 weeks, well that was not good enough. The quality of my life is more important.
The fun began when I started to have serious back and stomach aches. I was almost out of my mind with pain. One day we happen to be at my doctor's office, as we have a standing appointment every Friday, and I almost passed out. My pulse was very hard to find and my blood pressure fell quite low. I was taken to the Chilliwack hospital by ambulance, 30 minutes away. When I was in the ambulance, I thought for the first time, I am seriously sick. I was asked so many questions but I just wanted to be left alone and feel what I needed to feel. I needed a huge cry but was too weak if I remember correctly. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I then looked over at Steve and I knew he was thinking the same thing, Leigh-Ann is sick.
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| Recovering in Hospital |
We arrived at the hospital with a tube in the back of my hand with saline dripping in. After answering a lot of the same question, the ER doctor asked for morphine and gravel to be added. I was tossing and turning with pain and then their seemed to be instant relief and everything seemed so funny. I whispered to Steve, “I think I am high” then giggled. Earla and Steve could tell you a few funny things I said but I can not remember what they were now. After an hour or so, the medication bags were empty and I was allowed to go home, which is always where I want to be when I am not feeling well.
The next few days I was on this new medication but still had to have another ER hospital visit. But one thing about the hospital visits, the waiting time for all the appointments changed for the better. Two days later we met with and oncologist, who we called Dr. Z. as we could not pronounce his name. So with Dr. Z. we talked about where exactly the cancer had spread to, treatment options, what do I look for happening next in my body, pain management and then the big question.......what was my prognosis? Dr. Z. was the perfect person to give us all this information. He was concise, to the point, but with a lot of empathy for me and my family.
Steve, Sarah and Earla came in with me to the appointment and Earla had taken notes the whole time. We came out of the office, sat to have a chat before leaving and get this......not one of us could remember what the doctor had said about my prognosis! We ended up leaving the Abbotsford Cancer Clinic laughing our heads off because of the not knowing the amount of time I have left to spend with my family. A bit of sick humour but that is how we seem to cope sometimes.
We came home and went through the notes. In the end Steve did remember that I have 6 month to live.
That day I was started on morphine and that is when the fun really began. I had no pain but I became 'out of it'. I was having nightmares with people wanting to take me 'away'. That was extremely scary stuff to go through. I seemed lifeless, just laying around on the sofa for days on end. I was not eating so I had no energy and even going up stairs I found difficult. I fainted once, fell a couple of times and the weight was dropping off me. My memory was so bad. I felt like I had dementia. Oh, the worst part was my mouth dry I was scared to take a nap and find my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth without being able to breath. Now that even sounds silly as I type it, but it is how I felt at the time. All the while, my two home care nurses, Dani and Jeannette are coming to the house to treat what I was going through. One day I just said out of the blue, "I think my medication is too strong". Well that seemed to get the ball rolling as they say because every it changed everything.
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| Relaxing by the pool in Maui |
I was taken off the morphine and switched to a synthetic one called Dilaudid. Everything I was experiencing and feeling, slowly started to reverse. I was feeling better and better each day. For one week I had only seen Dani and the following week Jeannette came. When she came in the living room she saw me dressed, talking normal, sipping a cup of tea while eating watermelon. All Jeannette could do was smile and said I looked amazing. She had never seen such a turn around.
I went through three weeks of hell while I was on the Morphine and starting to feel a bit better. Then one day our friends, Pablo and Catalina had arranged a special mass at the church in Nerja, with about 40 of our friends attending. I felt everyone sending me positive energy to show me their love, support and prayers. I cry still thinking how powerful that ceremony felt to Sarah and I. On the other side of the world we were holding hands while listening to Enya. As we did this, we felt all the love from our Nerja friends come through.
The change or relief in my body could also be contributed by Dr. Bull, a pain specialist. He had changed the medication and would see how my body would handle it. I have had 3 weeks of improvement and in that time Steve proposed to me again. It was as beautiful as the first when he proposed! So Steve, Earla, Sarah and I planned our wedding at the kitchen table on afternoon. One week later, Sunday, November 17th we had the most beautiful ceremony in Michel and Earla's living room. I felt so pretty and relaxed on the day of our wedding and Steve looked amazing. He sported a smile the whole time until too many photos were taken at the reception, he wanted to eat ha ha.
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| On the beach |
The reception was held at our favourite bistro called Muddy Waters, owned by our new friend, Richard and his girlfriend. Three girlfriends of mine, Debbie, Darlene and Patsy transformed the bistro into the most beautiful sparkly lit yet classy restaurant. I cried when we, Mr. and Mrs. Wood entered and my whole family cheered!
Since Steve and I have been married now a whole 3 weeks, we have had such a nice time. I am improving every day, so I can get out and about with my family like to go shopping, sight seeing, reading and watching sappy romantic movies. Visiting with people can be longer, meals are more enjoyable and the feel of the house is more tranquil.
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| Hotel Beach |
As I write this for you, Steve and I are on our honeymoon! We are staying at a beautiful place called the Honua Kai Resort and Spa located in and area called Lahaina, Maui.
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| Honua Kai Resort & Spa with the Pacific Ocean behind us. |
